What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
