Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
