Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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