TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
