Moan for me like Helen Keller
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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