Barsexuality is the new black.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
