i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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