worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can you bring me the toilet please
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