My nipple is on Facebook.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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