She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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