I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
