but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize