Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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