Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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