listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
