mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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