Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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