found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
