5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
