where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
