who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
