I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
