You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
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If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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