I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
