whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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