on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
