I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
