apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
