Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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