Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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