apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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