i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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