Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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