Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
