I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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