Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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