I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
