If i come over, it means nothing
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
