Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
