Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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