you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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