dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
