Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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