Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
