i permit you to call me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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