While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize