is wine microwaveable?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
