i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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