i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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