i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
