forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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