It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
