My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
