oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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