Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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