Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
