from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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