hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
40s are totally the cure
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
